QT / Zay N. Smith

Reporter, Columnist, Failed Novelist


QT’s Web site has been downed by a robotic hacker attack.  We’ve put up this temporary site while we restore the damaged pages.  The site will be back up as soon as possible.

A new leaf

News Headline: “More kids accidentally eating medicinal marijuana.”
That’s their story, and they’re sticking to it.

News Headline:
“Megachurch boots Boy Scouts after gay vote.”
Church leaders should slow down here.
This isn’t as bad as it looks.
Gays are still banned as adult scout leaders.
Agnostic and atheists need not apply.
Merit badges can still be earned for Camping, Pottery, Ignorance, Prejudice, Forestry and Woodworking.


QT One Two Three What Are We Fighting For Update:
Lawmakers in Afghanistan have set aside a bill that would make it a crime to beat women.


News Headline: “National Spelling Bee winning word: ‘knaidel.’ ”
QT put the winning words from the most recent five years though its spell-checker.
The spell-checker failed on all five:  “Laodicean,”  “stromuhr,” “cymotrichous,” “guetapens” and “knaidel.”
Never miss an opportunity to humiliate your computer.


News Item: “. . . Dockwise recently introduced its latest yacht-carrying mega-ship, called Yacht Express. . . .”
News Item: “. . . a widening gap in earnings between the rich and poor. . . .”
One of the indicators being that yachtsmen now have yachts for their yachts.


QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
A bankruptcy judge will allow Patriot Coal Corp. of St. Louis, which recently announced $6.9 million in executive bonuses, to cut worker pensions and benefits in order to save money.


News Headline: “Man confronted a group of beachgoers with rifle.”
This would never happen if swimmers had enough sense to carry guns in their swimsuits.


News Headline: “Toronto mayor accused of smoking crack.”
News Headline: “As Chicago closes 50 schools, mayor wants $100 million in tax money for new hoops arena.”
What do you say to mayoral blood tests all around?


News Headline: “Tea Party favorite Michele Bachmann leaving Congress.”
PolitiFact.com, a nonpartisan fact-checking service, reviewed Bachmann’s major statements since 2009:
+ 15 percent were “True” or “Mostly True.”
+ 85 percent sere “Half True,” “Mostly False” or “False.”
Hats off.
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.


News Item: “. . . student desks were on the roof. . .  chairs from the cafeteria were stacked into a pyramid. . . Saran Wrap covered some entrances. . . .”
Happy Graduation!


QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Bill Wade, a Chicago reader, regarding QT’s mention that 56 percent of Connecticuters mispronounce “amphitheater,” writes:
“Please give us the phonetic version of the error. You might also address Illinois residents’ difficulty with such place names as Genoa, Marseilles, Cairo, Vienna, Des Plaines and Lake Zurich.”
The mispronunciation of “amphitheater” is with a P sound instead of an F sound.
Fifty-seven percent of Illinoisans mispronounce the word, also.
These include many from juh-NOH-uh, mahr-SAYLS, KAY-roh, VEYE-EN-uh, des-PLAYNZ and lake ZURK.
Paul Shubin, a Montreal reader, wants you to know, by the way,  that cul-de-sac is not pronounced KULL-deh-sak, but more like KOOD-sak.
Or we can always go with ded ehnd.

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com.

QT appears on ZaySmith.com every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.